Vegeta's Night Before Christmas
by Missfortune
Summary: **Yaoi** A remake of The Night Before Christmas from Vegeta's POV. A few visitors come to the corporation on Christmas Eve. Note this is YAOI!


Night Before Christmas  
Smashed, slashed and trashed by For-Chan!  
Disclaimer: First off, I don't own DBZ I"ve asked Santa repeatedly but he just keeps ignoring me. I deserve them more! Also the Night Before Christmas, I don't own that and a little FYI neither does Clement C. Moore the guy they said wrote it, it was actually Major Henry Livingston Jr. or so I'm told.  
Warnings: Woah baby! I totally trashed this Christmas classic, if you don't enjoy watching Christmas tradition torn to shreds you'd best steer clear, otherwise feel free to laugh alone with me!  
Notes: Well I've had writers block for a while, as you can see this isn't the case since I went well beyond the actual bounds of the poem, but it makes it so much better ne? ^_^ And this was written specifically for the SSML so its filled with more than a few inside jokes.  
Summary: A remake of The Night Before Christmas from Vegeta's POV  
  
~~~  
  
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the corporation  
Not a creature was stirring, they were all on vacation  
  
The stockings were hung by the chimney with tacks  
In hopes that they'd soon be filled with knick knacks  
  
The brats were entwined together all snug in their beds  
With interesting hentai visions dancing through their heads  
  
With Kakarrot in his birthday suit and I in mine  
We'd just settled in bed for a nice 69  
  
When out on the lawn some jerk made so much noise  
That I jumped out of bed abandoning my toys  
  
Away to the window I made a mad dash  
Hoping to see who I could Final Flash  
  
The lawn was all white under layers of snow  
But not one set of footprints did I see down below  
  
Then to my annoyance what should the sky feature  
But a flying sleigh lead by nine running creatures  
  
With a little old driver whose silhouette made me sick  
Cause I knew for damn sure that it wasn't St. Nick  
  
Faster than a bullet that menagerie they came (not that way you hentais!)  
And then whistled and shouted they were each called by name:  
  
"Now Mop! Now Neko! Now Rad and VP!  
On Lara, and Mara, Lady, CG and CV!  
  
To the top of the porch to the top of the wall!  
Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!"  
  
And like flighty birds that take wing and fly  
When they met with an obstacle they mounted the sky (no no no! not like that!)  
  
So up to the housetop those people they flew  
With a sleigh full of who knows and that damned onna too!  
  
And then in a minute I heard on the roof  
The impatient pawing of foot, paw and hoof  
  
So I ran for the stairs thinking that I had time  
But damn that sick woman down the chimney she climbed  
  
She was dressed all in fur except from thigh to heel  
Covered in ashes she was no Alley McBeal  
  
Evil grinning lips twisted up into a smile  
And I groaned cause it looked like she'd stay for a while  
  
Hentai thoughts circling her head like a haze  
Curse the people who told me it was just a phase  
  
A bundle of "toys" was flung on her back  
And she looked like a demon opening her pack  
  
Her eyes how they twinkled, those dimples so cute  
Cheeks all rosy it made me want to puke  
  
She had a pale face and a round little belly  
I thought to myself she'd had one to many peanut butter and jelly  
  
She was covered in ashes and smiling like a fiend  
And I just had to laugh at how ludicrous this seemed  
  
A wink of her eye and a twist of her head  
Told me all I needed that there was something to dread  
  
But she spoke not a word, though she bounced high on caffeine  
Filling those stockings with all things obscene  
  
Presents got quickly shoved under the tree  
Before she started a noisy climb back up the chimney  
  
She shuffled in the sleigh and cracked a whip  
And then to my amusement I heard the sleigh slip  
  
Down, down the rooftop the whole circus crashed  
A pile of humans, dragon, saiyans, and even some cats  
  
The whole house was up then and all running around  
I think I even spotted Gohan in a pink nightgown  
  
Out on the front lawn there was a flailing pile  
On top sat that creature that was so vile  
  
"For-Chan!" Kakarrot exclaimed all wrapped in a sheet  
She grinned for a moment till she was kicked by stray feet  
  
"What's going on?" Trunks demanded annoyed  
Perhaps he'd been doing more than sleep with Kakarrot's boy  
  
"Oh well we were just in the neighborhood"  
She lied through her teeth though it did her no good  
  
"I'll teach you this time you annoying yaoi brat"  
I announced right before I got bit by a cat.  
  
Cursing I fell back into the Goku  
And then they were off that whole kami damned yaoi crew  
  
Before I could catch them there was a squeal from inside  
So I went to the living room to see who had died  
  
But no death met my eyes when I looked into the room  
Instead it seemed that Christmas was in full bloom  
  
Presents were torn open and paper was flying  
In the center of it all I saw Gohan holding a dildo and crying  
  
With each treasure exposed my eyebrows they rose  
Lube, and "toys" and silk panty hose!  
  
Those slashers they brought us our most twisted desires  
Lingerie and leather no assembly required.  
  
And just for a moment I almost grinned  
But Kakarrot grabbed a box and then me and we were off like the wind  
  
To the bedroom we flew lickety split  
On the bed I was thrown and secured with a click  
  
Ki dampening handcuffs lined with fur  
Then Kakarrot was on me with a grin and a purr  
  
Hot fevered kisses flavored like wine  
Hands caressing, hips pressing up in a grind  
  
And all through the house similar scenes played  
It seemed that those presents made the grade  
  
And so to that onna and that whole slashy list  
Thanks a lot but don't think I'm not pissed  
  
If I ever do catch you you'd better run fast  
Cause nothing will save you from my energy blast  
  
So what's that line, Happy Christmas and good night?  
There now I said it get out of my sight!  
  
~~~  
  
Wa ha ha ha! *cackles* Did you like it?!  
Vegeta: What the hell was that?  
It was the Night Before Christmas, didn't you like it?  
Vegeta: If you ask me, it was a Nightmare if you ask me.  
Well I didn't so there, besides, that is so cliché!  
Vegeta: *glares* whatever, you were in it too long, me and Kakarrot needed more time with those handcuffs.  
.... have you ever tried to do a lemon scene in rhyming couplets?  
Vegeta: What the hell is a couplet?  
Guess not. At any rate, Merry Christmas everybody!! 


End file.
